Having friends is hard. I’m finding that it’s even harder to make friends or maintain friendships as a millennial, especially a millennial mom. Here’s some of my experiences.
With our current culture telling us that we must always be available to anyone at any time it can be tempting to just shut out the world and concern ourselves with what’s right in front of us. For me, this is where I’m trying to find that line. Where does mine and my family’s privacy begin and end? Do I want the whole world to watch my children grow up or see every piece of food I eat or place I go with my husband? What constitutes a memory that’s for just me to enjoy and savor and what is a flex I want to share with my old high school friends (joking… mostly)? But seriously, unplugging from everything can be difficult to maintain friendships since this is the new way to communicate with others.
I went back and forth with myself about getting back on social media. I know that I have a very unhealthy relationship with my phone, and it can easily become all consuming. However, I realize that in my circle of life I am the only one (that I know of) that’s not on social media. I know that this is how people keep up with neighbors and friends and know what’s going on in their communities and churches but for me the draw to know everything about going on in our world and to know about everything my friends were doing or saying allowed me to negate my highest calling as a wife and mother.
I did recently get back on Instagram out of FOMO. Things were happening in my community that I was clueless about. Since being back on for about a month, I’ve spent a sickening amount of time looking at my phone instead of the people in front of me and the actual life happening around me.
I’m caught up on all of the tragic sex trafficking cases, the latest alfa contests between the elites, and California is in flames again. I’m having reoccurring nightmares of terrible things happening to my children, I’ve missed a week’s worth of my Bible reading plan, and I haven’t jumped on the trampoline in too long. I’ve seen friends taking beautiful trips and instead of being happy for them, I judge them for spending too much money or not just soaking in the moment without taking a picture. I’ve become more cynical instead of compassionate because others have told me what to think. Maybe it’s just me who has these struggles?
But the question is still, how to make and maintain friendships today?
I think the first step is to put the phones down. Putting your phone down to look someone in the eye when your talking to them should be common sense but it is not. I don’t know how many times I’ve been with people who are only on their phones or keep them close by in case the outside world needs them. I once heard someone say that when they were a kid and their parents went out of town for a getaway or out to dinner and something happened at home they didn’t have a way to immediately call their parents and had to be resourceful to work through the problem or just wait for mom and dad. The world went on, mom and dad enjoyed the evening with each other without the constant interruptions and maybe the kids learned a valuable lesson about throwing the ball in the house or whatever. The point is this, life continues to go on if you can’t be reached for a couple of hours while you give your attention to someone else. Thankfully, we have answering machines and texting now. You can get the message and respond accordingly at a later time but you’re allowing yourself to build relationships with others and show respect towards others at the same time.
Another thing I’ve observed is that people will make posts about a huge life event or deep feelings online for anyone to see but in person everything is surface level. If you ask anyone how they’re doing they will tell you Good, Busy, or some other expected response. Which is fine, but that kind of surface level small talk is not where relationships grow. I think that a lot of people just assume you know what’s going on in their daily life because they’ve shared on Facebook or Instagram but even if that’s assumed it’s still nice to be invited into that conversation with people. I’m the first to admit that I go too deep too fast but from experience I know that that’s how you get to know people and with little kids in our home I know that every uninterrupted minute is worth gold. And maybe it’s ok to make people feeling uncomfortable with your honest answer about not doing well.
This blog post has mostly been a rant, but it’s been on my mind in a loop for a couple of weeks, so I had to put it in a solid form. Let me know in the comments if you’re struggling with friendships and why you think that is.
Here’s to doing uncomfortable things in 2025 to grow and learn!
Subscribe to the blog!
The Millennial Mom 
Leave a comment